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by Tola Olowolafe
Men often find shelter under the excuse that women are difficult to please or understand hence why there are so many challenges in their relationships or that's why they cannot seem to keep a stable relationship. The problem with this notion is that Men totally acquit themselves of any charge in regards to the basis for the failure of their relationships.Women could be difficult.but who isn't? Women could be intricate to understand but are they the only one with the responsibility of sustaining a relationship? Below are some of the instances where Men have got it all wrong in their approach to the health of a relationship or marriage as the case maybe.
1 Don't stop. Keep pursuing her the hunt is not over.
The sight of a man pursuing a woman he is interested in should be among the wonders of the world. We can be relentlessly persistent and affectionately in tune when we are after a particular lady that has got our attention. What? We will even go over the seven seas and seven mountains to show her we cherish her and that we are the right man for her.And if we really want her we won't stop. We will aggressively pursue until we get her and then bang!! all of a sudden we lose the race and stop right in our tracks like an old steam locomotive train. After all we have conquered. The war time is over we can relax now and enjoy the fruit of our conquest. Bro "the war ain't over" the hunt still continue.The moment your woman begins to question if you are still the same guy she fell in love with at the "early stage" Bro you should be worried. And trust me when she starts thinking like that you are on the highway to losing her. You need to keep turning the heat up and never stop pursuing her. I know you love her but do you love her less than when u started pursuing her? if No. Then why show her less affection and attention and all the goodies you use to display then?
2. Forget about being a macho man and be emotional.
The society,tradition,culture and history has fostered the idea of the "Macho Man". As a boy growing up, you hear words like "Come on now don't cry like a girl " or when u are emotional u get reprimanded for acting like a girl. How exactly does a girl act? I wonder.Naturally the woman is built quite differently from the man and that is alright because we complement each other with our unique abilities. But "two cannot walk together except they agree" the agreement of two persons will take into consideration their differences and not just that,it will also take a level of adoption and acceptance of each persons unique attribute.what am I trying to say? One of the reasons why Men fail in relationships is because they have refused to or rather will not connect with their emotional side.
Women are emotional beings. Of course we are all emotional beings-Male and Female alike but our level of expression of emotions and interaction with it varies. The male child has been taught to suppress his emotions because it makes him look weak and the female child has been taught to look out for a strong man( who is expected not to be emotional) but if a man will have a successful relationship he needs to be able to connect on a deeper emotional level with his woman why? Because that is the language women speak. I remember a female friend of mine refuses to go out with a guy(who is also my friend) because he rarely laugh or show emotions.
The truth-My male friend in this instance is one of the kindest and considerate persons I know. When he is with the "boys" he can crack jokes that will make the devil laugh in hell and can smile like the sun but the moment he leaves the perimeter of the inner circle of the boys,there goes the macho man who rarely laughs and looks uptight all the time because it protrudes the image of a "man in charge". Guys even if you do love and have feelings for her, the moment you cannot display your affections in a very "articulate emotional manner" you will likely lose your lady to a man who can do just that. I mean it is called "feelings" for Christ's Sake. Another danger of this perception is that it makes the male child and eventually the Man he becomes to see his lady as weak because of her emotional Composition and expression.Consciously or unconsciously the man act in response to that perspective which in turn infuriate the Woman thereby causing a situation of disagreement,anarchy and lack of understanding and boom!! there goes the relationship because of lack of balance in the frequency of emotions between the couples largely due to the man 's shortcomings in this regard.
3. You are in your Domain alright.but don't be domineering
Just as in the point above. Society, traditions, cultures,religions and history has grace the "man" with responsibilities and expectations. And as a man you are suppose to be strong,active,tough,be able to provide,protect and to be in charge of your own. And that's all good and needed. But as the saying goes "when the purpose of a thing is not known,Abuse is inevitable" . Some Men have taken these expectations a little bit to the extreme and in the process they become domineering and possessive. The fulfillment of your Manly duties and expectations should not encroaches on the free will and the right to choice,privacy,dignity etc of your woman. If you allow your duties or the fulfillment therefore to suppress and interfere adversely on her free will and right to choice my brother you will lose her and the relationship will go "Ka Boom!!" like a detonated bomb.
4. Are you taking charge?
In as much as you ought to be in tune with your emotions with her and to refrain from being possessive and domineering. You also need to be in charge and be the Man. You need to realize you have been naturally wired and created to fulfill certain purposes and expectations as a man and when you are not acting out those purposes you become a huge turn off to your woman. What are some of these expectations? As a man you ought to be strong for your woman(it doesn't mean she cannot be strong for herself), you have to be a provider,protector and pillar for her. Be able to guide her and stand by her. But when you cannot take charge of these responsibilities maybe due to your immaturity then you don't deserve to be with a woman that knows what she wants.
5 .Your physical appearance does matter Sir.
I'm sure on a number of occasions you've probably heard a lady go like : "I want a tall,dark and handsome man" Well most of the time not all of them gets a "TDH". Bro your height or complexion in most cases does not adversely affect your chances of staying with a good woman. What that desire in most women implies is that the physical appearance do matter.How? Physical appearance in terms of grooming. Most women would pick a short or average height guy who is neat,well dressed,well shaved, polite,good posture,smells nice,walks nicely and who speaks intelligently over a dirty, disorganized,raunchy,raucous,
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