by Tola Olowolafe.
It
still amazes me that most women can satisfactorily take care of a baby
or an infant and then end up losing touch with or losing their man. I
know you going to want to ask me this; are you saying a grown up man
should be treated like a baby? Keeping a man just like taking care of a
baby requires work,care and patience just because you love him and he
also loves you does not mean you leave it to chance and yes Men are big
babies anyway you heard that right. Men have an inflated opinion of
themselves, in short Men are egotistical.
You can see that as as a vice
which is how most people would see it, but the smart woman that will
keep her man sees that as the perfect tool. have you ever ask yourself
why a good woman loses a good man or could not hold on to a good man? if
she is good woman and he is a sensible man then what went wrong? why
did he drop her? well you are right, he dumped her because he is weak .
The weakness of any man is born out of his ego,his natural inborn pride
and his inflated opinion of himself.
So if you are going to keep your
man happy and with you you have got to focus on that part of him that
can and will likely cause problems for you and for himself.if my
approach sounds too mechanical, well ladies this is not a fiction or a
fantasy. In a real relationship strategies and well laid down plans is
needed for its success. And how do I use his ego to my advantage? I will
laid down some points and you can see exactly how to use that to your
advantage.
1. Please don't be independent.
Did I hit the wrong button there? once again am begging do not be
independent. Don't mind any guy that tells you that he wants an
independent woman. Ask him to explain exactly what he meant by an
"independent woman" and you will probably receive back the most shallow
answer ever. Answers like; a woman that support herself,a woman that
needs no man to be herself, a woman that has got a career etc.
Now its
alright for you to be able to cater and support yourself and have a
career and also not to need a man to be the complete you. But please
don't take the independence thing too much to the extent that you refuse
to allow him to be the man in the relationship. Men are naturally and
instinctively protective,territorial and of course a real man want to be
the pillar behind you but the moment you begin to intrude on his
natural domain because of your independence that is the moment you
begin to lose him. in reality men want a dependent woman. the kind of a
woman that will make them feel like a man(and by that i mean that will
elevate their ego)
Men derive pleasure when they are able to meet your
needs emotionally,financially,
2. Why do you think you are the only one who deserves a compliment?
When
last did you tell your man that "he is good looking or handsome?" when
last did you tell him that shirt or shoe looks good on him? or Tell him
how proud you are of his accomplishments ? in his classic book "how to
win friends and influence people" Dale Carnegie said "we nourish the
bodies of our children and friends and employees but how seldom do we
nourish their self-esteem we provide them with roast beef and potatoes
to build energy; but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation
that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the
morning stars". ladies " be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise" it goes a lot in keeping a man.
3.Don't be too familiar with Him.
Robert Greene pointed out in his book: The Art Of seduction. "the
moment people feel they know what to expect from you.your spell on them
is broken....create suspense, a calculated surprise, doing something
they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of
spontaneity" in the article titled "The science of happily ever after:3 things that keep love alive" Eric Baker said "early on when couples can finish each others sentences it's romantic,but over time "predictable" is a huge negative backlash"
don't be too familiar to the extent he can predict your next move and
take you for granted. let him put his manly ego to task to discern what
you are up to. Men love the thrill of the chase,they love when their
adrenaline is pumping.why? because it helps their ego and make them feel
like a man.use that to your advantage.
4. Show some courtesy. will you?
Courtesy is the means by which respect is expressed. if you want to
show your man you respect him please kindly show some courtesy. Again
Dale Carnegie in the same book above said "Rudeness is the cancer that
devours love everyone knows this,yet it is notorious that we are more
polite to strangers than we are to our own relatives..... we wouldn't
even dream of opening our friends mail without their permission or
prying into their personal secrets and it's only the members of our own
family those who are nearest and dearest to us that we dare insult for
their trivial faults" show some courtesy to your man and it would be
difficult for him to let go of such a considerate and polite lady who
massages his ego. Your rudeness and lack of politeness especially in
public hurts his ego more than you can imagine. Learn to say simple
words like "please" "thank you" and "sorry" more often.
5. Please Don't focus on the bad,focus on the good.
You know what can really hurt a man's ego and pride? A cocktail of criticism,nagging,complaining,
Most
women believe the best way to get a man to do what you want him to do
is to engage these tools. well you are wrong. have you ever heard of
reverse psychology? let me explain it in this very simple example. when a
baby is crying and throwing tantrums most of the time you don't see the
mother shouting back even though the mother might be frustrated she
will sometimes sing to the child,play with the baby,praise the baby to
calm such baby down. what has she done?she use an opposite technique or
behavior to get exactly what she desire. "reverse psychology is often used on children due to their high tendency to respond with reactant"
instead of focusing on what he did not do or ought to do and then
complaining and nagging him for that. why don't you use the opposite of
those emotions like admiration,appreciation and acknowledgment to get
him to do it. In that way you kill two birds with one stone, you get him
to do exactly what you want and you still get to massage his ego
thereby earning his respect and admiration. Dale Carnegie once said "of
all sure- fire,infernal devices ever invented by all devils in hell for
destroying love,nagging is the deadliest. it never fails like the bite
of king cobra,it always destroys ,always kills."
6. Please Speak his language of love.
Everyone
has a way in which they express and receive love. Some feel loved when
you affirm them with words,some with gifts,others with quality time or
physical touch or act of service. in his ground-breaking and bestselling
book and series "The Five Love Languages" Dr Gary Chapman explain
exactly how this works. my opinion? learn his love language and please
speak it until he is tired and his ego is boasted.
*please the points above should
surely yield the desired result on a real and good man and not a fool.
you cannot help a fool and you certainly should not want to hold on to a
fool.
follow Tola Olowolafe on twitter http://twitter.com/tolafola
Lauren did not just made a major effort to preserve the flag but got his inspiration from it and believe what it stands for.
He discusses his five decades in fashion with an AP coresspondent. Follow the link to read through http://news.yahoo.com/ralph-lauren-reflects-5-decades-fashion-195757624.
